Lately I’ve been cooped up in the house and just super frustrated with everything. Job hunting, bills, grad school, and the unknown. My mom always tells me to be patient and that what I’m meant to do will come. I wish it would come already! I worked a lot the first 1 1/2 years after graduation to pay off my loans and build up savings. I quit my last job to complete a fellowship program that I felt would get my foot in the door working for an organization serving veterans. That has yet to happen. Today marks a month since I graduated and still no job offers. My savings is slowly going down because even though I’m not working, I’m still paying bills. Not to mention throwing grad school in the mix just gives me a headache. When I graduated from UCI I was hell bent to move back out there or to LA after a year or two. It’s been 2 1/2 and I’m still at home! I hate that I ended up back home. Don’t get me wrong…I love home. It’s just by now I figured I would be able to stand on my own two feet and be an independent adult. That has also yet to happen. I applied to more jobs today and just felt the wave of frustration taking over me. I was so frustrated that I cleaned my bookcase, dresser, drawers, cookbook collection, headboard, and vacuumed my room. THAT’S saying something considering the fact that I absolutely HATE cleaning.
I feel like when my path became a fork, I completely fell off the path. I’m going the wrong way and somehow I can’t seem to find a way back. In 2014, I volunteered for 7 months at the VA, worked for 5 1/2 months, and went to school for 3 months. 5 1/2 months is not adequate savings for the year. I pretty much spent all of it paying bills. I still want to run my project but I notice I’m usually sending out cards or emails of encouragement (not that there’s anything with either). I just want to do more. I keep telling my best friend I should just move to Nebraska. Maybe I could get a job over there. Life seems so much slower over there anyway. I could use the change of scenery. Yes, this is a rant post. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading! 🙂
In other news, because I cleaned my bookcase and got rid of all my kiddy books (Dr Suess anyone?) I treated myself to a bunch of Nicholas Spark books. I know, I know drama love stories. I think those are actually my favorite stories. I’m weird like that. I purchased Dear John, A Walk To Remember, Safe Haven, The Best of Me, The Lucky One, and The Longest Ride. Amazon Prime and free two day shipping. I’m really excited to read them all. It’ll give me a sense of peace after all the thinking about life, money, and jobs.